No matter how stressful or contentious your relationship with your soon-to-be ex, your children are the priority. Good co-parenting during the divorce process will make the transition easier and less frightening for the kids. It will also work in your favor when custody arrangements are being determined.
Here are a few tips for successful co-parenting during and after divorce:
Support and Encourage an Ongoing Relationship with the Other Parent
Do not try to hog your child. It’s bad for your child and it will be frowned upon by the court. Try to establish a visitation plan that works for both of you, and gives your child plenty of time with the other parent. When your child is staying with you, don’t try to limit communication. Let them call the other parent or receive calls from the other parent until bedtime.
Stick to the Plan
You need a parenting plan. Once you have agreed on visitation times, you must stick to it. Don’t make plans for your kids that will interfere with the other parent’s time with them. If the other parent is planning to pick up your child on a Saturday morning, don’t call and ask them to pick her up on a Friday night because you want to go out and need a babysitter. If something comes up and you absolutely must change your plans, let the other parent know right away so that they can prepare.
Do keep in mind that schedules may have to change over time. Maybe your work schedule or the other parent’s work schedule has changed. And, your child’s needs can change. Do be flexible and work with the other parent.
Don’t Make Your Child the Middle Man
Make arrangements directly with the other parent. Don’t have your child tell them when and where your next pick-up or drop-off will be. Don’t pass messages to the other parent through your child.
Watch Your Mouth
Don’t complain about your spouse to your kids, in front of your kids, or where your children can hear you. Don’t criticize the other parent’s parenting style and choices. Don’t ask your child for information about the other parent, such as questions about their friends, dating, money, or lifestyle.
Do be open if your child wants to talk to you about how they are feeling or circumstances that they are uncomfortable with. Just be careful on how you approach their answers. Let them know the other parent loves them, even when they’ve upset or disappointed them.
If you think the situation with the other parent is unsafe, talk to your attorney about your legal options. If you know or have reason to believe that your child is being physically or sexually abused, get immediate help.
To learn more about child custody and successful co-parenting strategies, please contact an experienced family law attorney in your state.
